I’m lying to you..

If I say I’m all prep and ready to birth. Who is?!! I’m actually embracing my fear, a little too much in fact. On one of the nights last last week, I have suddenly confessed to the husband that I am worried and scared of childbirth. I have been hiding my fear with pretty toddler apparel purchases and the thought of bean directly in my arms that I have been skipping the gory glory parts of it – the process of delivery. It’s even crazier that the right countdown counter on my blog says I’m currently one month away from seeing my baby. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to see dear bean and hold her in my arms. But I’m a mouse when it comes to hospital and all that jazz. I believe I am categorized as a rather hysterical patient by the people who has been through that with me.

I’m currently weighing my options of going on GA (general anesthesia) or just half body with epidural. Previously I’ve wanted to go natural but the gynae advised us to go for caesarean if bean is hitting near 2.8kg and above because of my narrow hip. I guess I can only update as I go by since bean is weighing about 1.5 kg about 2 weeks back. She may have potentially puffed up her cheeks over this week with the amount of food I’m gorging on. The good thing about GA is I won’t feel a thing and the gynae can probably focus better minus the hysterical part of me. Bad thing would be I’m not sure if the husband can go in and cut the umbilical cord and I won’t be the first few to see bean cause I may still be asleep… For half body, I’m not sure if I can stand the tugging and movements of the gynae on my lower body and remain calm..bearing in mind the same movements as my horrendous first root canal treatment when I was way younger. Let me weigh out the pros and cons of each with my gynae and decide nearer to date. High time to muster up courage for a new mum to be!

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